Hah! Grandparents.

My grandparents have been staying with us for slightly more than one week now, and so far, things seem to be okay. So far, they have yet to instigate that my father is making use of my mother (he’s a househusband) and, much to my relief, they don’t disturb me when I decide to retire to my room. I’m not too sure how long they’ll be staying though, but I did hear that it was going to be for a month. I do hope everything remains as well as it has been these past few days.

However, to be honest, I haven’t been as friendly as I used to be. Instead, I have been rather… well… distant, if you want to put it that way. When I was younger, I would put on this cute persona, speak in a higher voice than normal, and cling on to grandpa. Yet, every time I did it, I would feel this sense of disgust, as if I wasn’t behaving my own age. I’m supposed to be twenty two years old for crip’s sake, I can’t keep behaving like a kid everytime my grandparents are around.

So instead, I have been polite to them, but I have yet to actually go out in my way to be extremely welcoming. I would still greet them though, and answer their questions (though I admit that I’m extremely moody in the mornings, so that isn’t really such a good time to gauge my behavior; especially when my grandmother insists on breaking my train of thought), but so far, I haven’t been ‘cute’ towards them. I’m not sure whether my grandfather has noticed my change of behavior though; he’s still the same as ever, that is in-oblivious to most things.

What I really cannot stand though, is when my grandfather holds my hand, he would hold it as tightly as possible, and it really does hurt. I used to tolerate it, but for some reason my tolerance level has been a lot less than before when it comes to him, and last time he did it, I actually kind of snapped at him and told him that it hurt. He claims that he is ‘showing his love’, but I can’t tolerate it when he does that. I stopped holding his hand as well, so hopefully he knows that as well.

The problem is, though, that it really does hurt to see him like this. When I was much younger, he and grandma practically raised my brother and I, because both our parents were working full time. He placed a lot of emphasis on education; he would wake up at 5am every day to look through the dictionary and put the hanyu pinyin on every single word in my Chinese textbook, even though he barely speaks a word of Chinese. Everytime my parents take us over, he would always set aside work for us to do, and for some reason, I actually enjoyed myself whenever I was over there, even though we spent most of our time working.

Ever since he’s had his stroke, he hasn’t been the same again. I have a feeling that he still sees us as children, and he kind of expects us to behave as children as well. He cannot even remember our age, and the fact that we are not eleven or twelve year olds anymore. I have mainly good memories of my grandfather’s intelligence, and it really hurts to see him now. If this is aging, then I hope I would either be raptured first, or die before my brain starts to erode.

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